:thumb170668097: Have You Ever? Have You ever Fallen in love,
But knew that they didnt care?

Have you ever felt like crying,
But knew you would get No-where?

Have you ever watched them walk away,
and not wanted them to go?

Have you ever wispered ''I Love You'' softly,
hoping they would hear?

Have you ever cried all night in misery,
and gone insane?

Theres nothing other in this world,
that causes so much pain.

if i had a choice between life and death
i think i would rather die,

Love is fun.
but it hurts too much,
to say goodbye.

& the price you pay is way too high.

So my advice,
dont fall in love
you'll be hurt before its through,
you see my friend,
i social anxiety II. the knot in my chest
tightens and
tightens
with each word
i must force out

,

you compliment me
but all i can do
is give a half-hearted smile
and keep the breakdown inside

,

i miss you
and you miss me
but i can't seem to laugh
the way we used to

,

you let me cry
on your shoulder
but now we don't
even look each other's way
i'm so sorry darling

,

i'm tired of bawling
on the bathroom floor
makeup runs /
eyes swell /
questioning stares /
and repeat

,

...

,

pills can only get us
so far
before we dizzy up

and all fall down . Anxiety It begins with a melancholy
feeling deep inside my soul. Something
pushes it deeper until I
can't handle it anymore. I stop
breathing for a few seconds.
My chest heaves and my lungs take
in a deep, ragged breath. They
get addicted to these sharp
stings. I start to hyperventillate.
I rock forward. I rock backward. I rock
forward and backward and forward
and backward. I rock. I rock. I pull
my hair down. I smooth it out. I smooth my
hair and rock forward and backward and
heave in another ragged breath. One
tear builds up in each eye until
they decide to take the plunge down
my cheeks. The right tear falls onto my
chest with a


Thank you sooooooo much to the Anonymous Deviant gave me a Premium Membership
:thumb243224323:        :thumb253217664:            First Time Day: 31
First time I haven't wanted to die on New Year's Eve.
First time I haven't dreaded a new year.
Day: 01
First day of the New Year.
First day of my new life.
Day:11
First time thinking about how wonderful life is going to be.
First time trying to care about my health.
Day: 21
Hasn't happened yet, but I hope that it leads to many
Firsts to come.

Thank you sooooooo much to the Anonymous Deviant gave me a Premium Membership
:thumb243224323:        :thumb253217664:            First Time Day: 31
First time I haven't wanted to die on New Year's Eve.
First time I haven't dreaded a new year.
Day: 01
First day of the New Year.
First day of my new life.
Day:11
First time thinking about how wonderful life is going to be.
First time trying to care about my health.
Day: 21
Hasn't happened yet, but I hope that it leads to many
Firsts to come.

I was tranfered to bigger hospital and really nice nurse helped me to get internet.

I have endocarditis,i guess most ppl don't know what that it  so :

Endocarditis is INFLAMMATION the lining of the HEART. Viral or bacterial INFECTION can cause endocarditis; either is potentially life threatening, though bacterial infection is considerably more common. Bacterial endocarditis is a particular risk for people who have certain forms of CVD and may follow bacterial infection in other parts of the body.

It's pretty common for people with heart problems (like myself) .But so far I'm doing well, just praying that the infection hasn't and won't do too much damage to my week valve and hopefully won 't spread.

The treatment can take up to six weeks,but hopefully they'll let me go home and comeback for teatment a few hours a day.

It's tough especially since I thought it was just a cold,and the social anxiety just makes everything worse.I've faced my fear of being trapped in a hospital ,and now  I'm coping ok suprisingly.

Thanks for all your support

I'm really not good at organising things, but I did my best
Thanks for your support guys
  :thumb174218733:

:thumb58251560:

:thumb174912245:


  




:thumb174666142:
I Guess.... Maybe in time you'll let a few thing slip
maybe in time the barriers will fall away
and I can start to understand
start to help,
that's all I really want to do

I hate saying goodbye
I know that sometime I'll have to
in a decade, A year , a month, A day?
I guess I'll never know
would it be me saying goodbye?
Or will I never get the chance?
All I know is that I want every moment to last
every moment with you.

If I'm honest, I don't ever want you to go
I don't want to have to say goodbye
But I understand you might have to
there's always a 'might' in life
I hate it.
I really, really hate it

If we do say goodbye
will it be fo The Fear The Fear shrouds us in every way.

The Media speak their tales of sadness

The People talk about paranoia and hysteria

The Nature screams at us with lightning and Thunder

The Soldier's Create Strife and Problems

The Politicians inject their lies and deceit

The Bands sing their tales of Woe

The Histories tell us of the horrors passed

The Books tell us of imagined terrors Collection Of Flaws What's wrong with me?
Well let's see.
I'm obsessive,
And possessive,
Messed up and depressive.
I'm a freak,
I'm bleak,
And I hate my physique.
I'm ugly and repulsive,
I'm stupid and impulsive,
Dense and compulsive.
I have a tendency to lie,
And this uncanny urge to die,
I have no one to rely.
I hate the way I appear,
My face is never clear,
And I'm covered in my fear.
I'm too emotional and dark,
And easily set onto a spark,
I read too much to a remark.
I'm never truly pleased,
More is always what I need,
I never really feel at ease.
My skull feels ripped apart by claws,
Pain never ceasing with a pause,
I am but a

I'll be away for a while , sorry if I don't answer your messages for a good while.

I want to thank SRSmith  [link] doing the sweetest thing that someone has ever done for me and giving me a premium membership.Make sure you check out his awsome gallery.

Here are just a few of his amazing works

Shh... shh
don't speak
not a word
don't make a sound
break not the silence
in case we wake
and this dream
be not
real

still
don't move
not an inch
don't even breathe
stay just where you are
lest you disturb
this angel
asleep
here

wait
don't rush
take your time
study her face
as she lies sleeping
memorize her
as she is
here now
calm

sleep
content
this angel
dreaming beauty
if naught but memory
come the morning
you have this
to keep
shh    Don't Slip Away Don't go slipping away.
Lace up your shoes,
strike out the other way.   Shh... shh
don't speak
not a word
don't make a sound
break not the silence
in case we wake
and this dream
be not
real

still
don't move
not an inch
don't even breathe
stay just where you are
lest you disturb
this angel
asleep
here

wait
don't rush
take your time
study her face
as she lies sleeping
memorize her
as she is
here now
calm

sleep
content
this angel
dreaming beauty
if naught but memory
come the morning
you have this
to keep
shh